i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
