P.S. I can't hear my feet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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