The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
