Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
