Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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