the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
