Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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