"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
