Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
