just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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