HIV tests are more positive than that guy
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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