I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
