Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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