whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm too high and old for this...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
