So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
