dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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