he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
