Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
