While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
