his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
