The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
