she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
