holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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