This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
