CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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