dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
