Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
