we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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