He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
