South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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