they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
my liver is dry heaving
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
