What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
