Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
