just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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