Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
