I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
