why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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