Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
