That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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