she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
