There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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