on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
