she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
