I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
