I hate all girls vehemently.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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