ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
