I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
