I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
