he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
