Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
