pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
